Im dating a fat guy

My crushes as an overweight girl started when I was in elementary school. It began as an odd acquaintanceship with Mike in my freshman year of high school. Though the compliments were strange, they were detail-oriented and weren’t backhanded. Another part of me said that he was just taunting me.He talked to me about odd topics, asking me unusual questions and giving me weird compliments. Mike was too thin, attractive and popular to like a fat girl like me.I longed to love my body, find joy and live the life I dreamed of. Evan, a blogger and dating coach, explains it well: See, we can’t separate looks from the package.Being unhealthy, lethargic and cranky weren’t part of my goals. Maybe Forrest wasn’t one of the guys who like big girls. Now I wouldn’t, since I realize what you weigh and eat is connected to how much you value yourself and your life. It’s PART of the package, whether we like it or not. I’ve worried about others’ opinions for the majority of my life.Yet I forgot the opinion that mattered most—my opinion of myself.There was no way that he could like me in that way.

I was waiting for him to tell me I wasn’t good enough, the way I told myself that every day. If you start a relationship when you don’t love yourself, you’ll have many hardships along the way. My peers were starting to have relationships as young as 12. In my experience, it’s better to let love come naturally.I was still losing weight and learning to love myself when I met my husband, Rob. How could somebody such as Rob ever like (or love) a person like me?I was afraid he would realize how much work I needed.I dwindled down my conversations to a handful who were smart, thoughtful and intriguing. If you can honestly say ‘yes’ to all those questions, you don’t need to lose weight to date. That’s not the way to find friends or maintain healthy relationships. I tried to lose weight because I thought I would make more friends.And one of those conversations turned into how I met my husband. To stop worrying about others, I needed to start focusing on myself. I tried to lose weight because I thought that’s what society wanted.

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You might assume that I was actively looking for a boyfriend on OKCupid. By creating an account on OKCupid, I was opening myself up to love, not setting a goal to find love. I asked myself: Losing weight was one way for me to do those things. In the end, those reasons didn’t motivate me enough to stick to my weight loss plans.

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